On Half-Birthdays

Today is my half-birthday. What exactly does that mean? How is today different from other days? Is today different from other days? Should I celebrate? I explore these questions below.

Let's start with regular birthdays. Each year, as the Earth returns to approximately the same spot it was when a person was born, we celebrate their success in sustaining - at least basic - biological functions over the past year. We acknowledge the fact that they didn't do anything too terribly stupid to themselves, and are still hopefully capable of contributing to society. This convenient and universal way of marking time gives us an opportunity as social animals to celebrate every individual in the community at some point. This natural time step is also a convenient opportunity for the birthday person to look back on the past year, or set goals for the next year and re-evaluate his or her life, if said person cares about that sort of thing.

Exactly six months later, the Earth is as far away as it will ever be from its location at the person's birth. Purely cosmologically, therefore, celebrating this day is like celebrating your favorite sports team breaking the record for longest losing streak. All records bring notoriety, but only positive records bring lasting respect and reverence. Thus, the Earth's position on one's half-birthday is nothing more than an amusing, even cynical factoid, and certainly nothing to celebrate.

But is a half-birthday different from other days of the year? I would say yes, though, if anything, a half-birthday celebration should be a private, contemplative one. "I am halfway through this year of my life. Am I on a course to accomplish what I set out to do six months ago?" We break up years into months and weeks because it keeps us organized, allows for consistent scheduling, and makes counting days easier by reducing the magnitude of the numbers involved. Therefore, it is perfectly natural, even commendable, to use one (or more) of these conveniently organized days to stop and think about "the big picture". And what better day than the halfway point? It is easily remembered and recognized, and allows ample time for changes to be made to the status quo. In this sense, the half-birthday celebration is the polar opposite of the birthday celebration: on our birthdays, we relax and reflect back on the year that was, while looking optimistically forward to the year ahead, while on our half-birthdays, we take a harsh look in the mirror and ask critically of ourselves whether we are living up to our own standards and expectations.

We reach the same conclusions whether we investigate the half-birthday cosmologically or morally, that: (1) birthdays and half-birthdays are complete opposites; (2) a half-birthday celebration should in no way resemble a birthday celebration; and (3) a half-birthday is a time for personal, not social, celebration and reflection.

And seriously, are you gonna give someone half a present? Isn't that still a full present? It's like trying to break a crumb in half. It just doesn't work.

For me, today is a day of introspection, the results of which will only be known on the true day worthy of a celebration, six months from now. For you, today is the day your birthday presents turn from pathetically late to thoughtfully early, and nothing more.